Full moon and fire


I spent the last several months equal parts angry and empty. It took nearly four months to burn through the rage that would flare each time some new injustice was uncovered. It took another two to accept the nothingness that all that fury earned me. Somewhere in there, I have started to build peace. Peace with the realization that my tribe is small and the people I trust are few, but fiercely loved and loyal. Peace with the realization that one day he turned his switch to someone new and my children and I ceased to exist in his world. Peace because I am learning to let go. Peace because I trust my children to know who I am and know their value. Peace that the balance of everyone's needs is no longer mine to maintain. And perhaps some satisfaction in knowing the balance doesn't exist in my absence.

And so, to release that which is no longer mine to carry (the harsh and the anger) and to call back that which fills me, tonight I honored myself by the light of the moon and the heat of a fire and let go....

With the full moon as my witness, I released to the fire the anger that bound me to my past, the stories I told to survive, the fire that has kept me safe, but scorched my peace. Let it rise, let it go.

I release the guilt that says I should have done more. I have carried enough, and I have earned my rest.

I release the instinct to quiet my voice and make myself small for others' comfort. My truth will no longer be diminished.

I release the weight of endless strength. May softness take its place. May grace and gentleness find me. I welcome love that is calm, consistent kind - the love I offer myself first. 

With every flame and ember, I let the past burn clean. I make space for peace, for laughter that does not hide pain, and for a heart that beats lighter. 

So it is, and so I begin again. 

The last endings are drawing near and those battles are no longer the important ones. The anger has left and the hollow is filled with devotion to my children and my family and the things that bind us  authentically, honestly, and unwavering. 


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