Coming to Terms
Writing is a way that I process, understand, and heal. Sometimes it's quick, but more often it's slow and sorta brutal. I'm in the brutal phase, but I keep moving forward. Ish. One of the writing methods I've been using is brain dumping all the hurts, going back to the very first fight I can remember when I left the room crying only to come back once I was calm to find him sleeping, unperturbed ... to today, seeing that he's traveling again this weekend to Oregon and Washington, having a grand time, while letting the havoc he created here remain mine to rebalance. Poorly. Ish. I said FOREVER that it wasn't about his running. Every fight was about the same thing in my memory. I needed more of him and he gave less and less. Obsessed with "us" in the beginning, living completely separate lives at the end. It was the ultimate discarding. And it wasn't about running, not really. Don't get my wrong, over time, running was certainly the reason he had...